Toxic communication within climate debate number 5 (continued)
Sometimes «Shame on you» is said to an airplane passenger. It may be to blame the guilt on a wrong person. Maybe it’s a system guilt. At the same time, every small step taken by many, will make a huge change. We have to start somewhere! Here is toxic communication within climate debate number 5 of 8:
V: Blame guilt, shame and bad conscience on you
Here are some variants:
18.Projection – displace responsibility, accountability
«Others are worse than me!» They bagatellise their own responsibility. This is a defence mechanism used to displace own responsibility on to other persons. This is to put guilt, cause, shame, bad conscience on to others. Objective of the game is: They win – you lose.
Solution: Don’t own the projections of the attacker. Stick to your values and talents!
19.Blame game, blame others – justify themselves
They may play the blame game, mix and shift responsibility between first attacker and victim.
Blameshifting game is a role shifting between the provacator, attacker - and the first original victim. They are unwilling to see their own shortcomings. Avoid being held accountable. One starts a conversation with a provocation. When the other responds to the provocation, the provocateur change into a victim. They mean that their victims should take responsibility and shame for what the starter does wrong. Fear, guilt, shame, bad conscience make you unsecure. It pulls you down in your inner self esteem and sometimes also therefore your external social status. It is hurting and confusing both truths, logics and rights. It hurts your security.
Alternative is security, be open and flexible to the needs of others. Build step by step from security to trust. Avoid pointing at other persons and things.
20.Shaming
«You should be ashamed of yourself!» They place shame on you. They keep old wounds and injuries open. They enjoy using your own wounds against you, retraumatise you. They plase shame on you for injustice you have suffered in your lifetime. They implicit say you may have done something to deserve it, make you feel deficient and unworthy. Injure you. They pick at the original wounds. They are surgeons of madness, they seek to exacerbate wounds, not help heal them. That will naturally irritate you and trigger your emotions. That is their aim. Then they may attack emotions gou show to them. They destroy the victim’s self esteem. Diminish their sense of self and pride. They humiliate the victim.
Solution: If you suspect you’re dealing with a toxic person. Avoid revealing any of your vulnerabilities or past traumas.
21.Changing the subject to evade from accountability
«What about me?»-syndrome.
Redirect attention and derail discussion, distract to benefit them.
Solution: Use the broken record method: continue statingh the facts without giving in to their distractions.
22.Nonsence with bad intention that disorient you
Be aware of word salads, circular conversations that may disorient, confuse, distract, discredit, frustrate you and get you off track, away from the problem, and may make you feel guilty of having other meanings.
Toxic people don’t argue with you, they argue with themselves. They thrive in the drama. When you respond, answer, you give them nutrition, energy to continue, escalate, spiral.
Cut contact, stopp arguing with them.
Do you want to experience a test session on how you may go beyond toxic communication in climate debate,
contact helge.christie@gmail.com
Read more in my book: “Forbi hersketknikker og fryktkultur”:
https://www.helgechristie.com/butikk/helge-christies-16-bok-forbi-hersketeknikker