Always criticise regardless - double punishment
Always criticise regardless – double punishment. When Greta Thunberg sails with ship to New York - she is “extreme, hopeless!”. If she had taken airplane only one travel - that would have been “too much!” “Too much is wrong - and too little is wrong.” This is toxic communication technics in the climate debate, number 4 out of 8. Are you victim of this - or using it?
In the debate on climate, biological diversity, food and other sustainable development issues, we may see toxic communication. There are 8 toxic technics we may look for, avoid and go beyond.
IV: Always criticise regardless – double punishment
7.Always criticise regardless - nitpicking and moving the goal posts
The criticisers focus on the negative. «Find one fault»-focus. They critiscise you when you do too little – and they criticise you when you do too much. They use impossible standards, criticise regardless of your behavior. When you satisfy their first goal, they shift the goal to an opposite place, and try to trap you, in a situatuion where you feel you are not good enough. You are under double attack. This is a personal attack through double standards. It is a way of double communication. You may get brain chaos, cognitive dissonance. Raising the expectations higher and higher or switching the standards make you feel unworthy or never good enough. They divert you from your strengths. They try to wipe you out of balance, pull you down, degrade you.
Solution: Expect bad news. For one negative experience, you need five positive, so that the positive will dominate inside you. Know that you are enough, worthy, valuable.
8.Always fear – focus attention on the negative
Focus on the negative. Always look for problems. «Find one fault!» It is to filter sensing and information. If fear is a belief, it may be to fear for the wrong things. It may be to fear their fantasies that scream them – in stead of fear of risk for real danger. This is near by to exclude, one-sided, either-or, «us or them» generalisation-thinking.
Solution: Reality check: Is it real or fantasy? Assess real risks and quantities and proportions.
9.Believe in negative fate and destiny
They may think everything is constant. If one situation or example is bad – everything always is bad. It is a kind of generalisation.
Solution: Slow change is still a change. Change takes time.
10.One-sided negative
If they are one-sided – who may you then trust? You experience they are unbalanced and not according to truth. Similarly it is possible to be one-sided positive and optimistic.
Solution: Look for many possibilities and options. Create your tool box to diverse situations. Those that are most flexible have increased chance to reach their goals?
11.Awfulising, worsening, paint in black, maximising crisis
When something negative happens, they love to make it even worse. They are not interested in solving problems, find solutions and be constructive. They thrive in the feelings of histories to be told that are more and more worse.
12.Straw man fictive enemy - guilt by association
They may construct a fictive extreme enemy to argue against. They change your words and behaviour into a caricature of you. It may be a fantasy, a cognitive distortion. They try to isolate you.
13.Straw man agents to spread negative reputation
They may motivate authority people to represent themselves and spread bad rumours about you. They orchestrate people to talk negative behind your back. They create smear campaigns and stalking in order to isolate you. Speaking down your reputation and splitting your support network. They may hide their own abusive behavior while projecting it onto you. When toxic people can’t control the way you see yourself, they start to control how others see you. They play the martyr and label you as the toxic. They seek nutrition, arguments, energy to create stories that shows you as the aggressor while they play the victim. They will methodically, covertly and deliberatively abuse you: First provoce you, so they can use your reactions as a way to prove that they are the so-called «victims» of your abuse. Their objective is to confuse you and other people, disqualify you, weaken you, minimalise you, marginalise you, isolate you, wipe you out, put you down on social status and hierarchy. They create cognitive dissonance, brain chaos in you by rapid shifting perspectives. They practise double standards. Treat people different with uneven respect.
Solution: Stick to the facts. Document any form of harassment, cyberbullying or stalking incidents. Always speak to your narcissist through a lawyer whenever possible.
14.Triangulation – put people up against each other
They use third person to evoke jealousy and uncertainty in you. They pull your attention away from their abusive behavior.
Solution: Get support from fair persons outside the toxic smear and behind your back talking influence.
15.Love-bombing and then devaluation – first admire you, then put you down
They first idealise and admire you. Then criticise, devaluate you for the same issues in a distorted variant. That may be differentiated treatment of people, they devide in love-people and hate-people.
When a person speaks down other persons, remember they may do the same about you a next time, you may be the next victim.
16.First impressing, then attacking - preemptive defence
From praise to hell in one second. Lightening quick shift. First ask you to trust them. They may have impressing presentation and performance with sympathy and empathy. They dupe you - and unveil their false mask later on.
Solution: Actions speaks more in the long run than mere empty words. Trust actions.
17.Attacking and playing innocent – confuse you with double communication
They get you into a chaotic argument. They get the discussion off track. They don’t know the meaning of respect. Their motive it of tearing you down, if you don’t do as they want.
They find your weak points, and provoke you on your soar points. In words they may play false innocence: «They did not mean to hurt, agitate you». This is double communication and brain confusing: What should you believe? It creates cognitive dissonance. It works to catch you off guard, feel relaxed, so your feeling makes it difficult for you to understand when they attack and pull you down on social status, hierarchy.
Do you want to experience a test session on how you may go beyond toxic communication in climate debate,
contact helge.christie@gmail.com
Read more in my book: Forbi hersketknikker og fryktkultur:
https://www.helgechristie.com/butikk/helge-christies-16-bok-forbi-hersketeknikker